Fan Mail

July 9, 2016

I get a lot of fan mail. Okay, I don't get any, but my Gmail is full of foreign women who want to meet me and overseas bank accounts holding my money. So I give you this great message that blessed my inbox this morning. Enjoy!

 

Name: Gregory Lou Retton

 

Subject: Can't nail the smell but I'm calling bullshit

 

WTF? How can you do an entire website dedicated to you and not mention me once? I'm not even in the bio? Seriously? What a total Little Richard Raisin Dick thing to do. I've given you some of your best blurbs ever. 'Blood Orchid-- Reading the back cover may not be enough for me!' 'Starvelings-- Only story I skipped in Devil's Food. Now a book.' 'At the End of Church Street-- Actually I wrote this novel and everybody loved it. I wish S.D. has the same kind of success if he ever decides to become a writer!' Look, man, I've always given you gold and been your biggest supporter when I remember, so just saying, you can't treat people in this bitnezz we call the Bitnezz this way, especially when they have my kind of clout, okay? And I used up my quota of commas for the month. Another thing I've done for you. Fix this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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